I am dyslexic. It is no easy task to read the instructions for any new gadget or gizmo or even new programs. I have learned to try and find someone who knows all the ins and outs and whatnots of things. And try to befriend them. With the hopes that they will be kind enough to help me understand whatever it is I am trying to learn.
I had a really terrible time in school. First they told my parents I was lazy. Then they said I was stupid. Then it was that I had a developmental problem. I had to do all kinds of exercises to improve my brain function. And every summer for several years, I was in reading improvement courses. Needless to say, none of that worked.
Can you imagine being told all the time that you are stupid and dumb? And all the other kids had a ball making fun of me, including my brothers. Today, we call that abuse and bullying. But back in the fifties, it happened all the time and nothing was done about it. In some ways I think that helped make me a stronger person mentally. But in others I can see it only served to stunt me somewhat emotionally.
For me, I had to memorize every word I wanted to spell or be able to read. Why? Because for me the letters on the pages did not stay still. For a lack of a better word, they roamed. Not only that, they morphed into other letters and if I was really tired, into some weird shapes. Do you have any idea how many three, four, and five letter words a second or third grader needs to learn?
Just to let know how difficult it can be, try and read this next sentence. “Post, meco eerh.” That should read “Spot, come here.” to someone who is not dyslexic. But that is not how I would see most the time. And that was on a good day. Some days I would have to chase the letters all over the page provided they didn’t turn into something else. It was, and still is very frustrating and tiring, both mentally and emotionally.
I was never able to learn to read by sounding out letters. I had to memorize. I also had to be a mind reader. Just to follow a story I had to be able to figure out what the author was saying with out knowing the words that he used. It wasn’t easy for anyone back then if they had dyslexia. I’m sure a lot of kids gave up on school long before I did.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to read. And I love learning. It is just harder for me with some of it, that’s all. I may have to go over something four or five times before it starts to make sense. But I do what I can by myself and when I can’t go any farther, I find someone to can help me. That is what I did after I got my G.E.D. and started going to college. I didn’t graduate, no degrees of any kind. But every semester I attended, no matter how many classed I took, I made the deans list. Not bad for a kid with developmental problems that is lazy, dumb, and just plan stupid, is it.
We are a lot more alike than I ever imagined. I have always struggled with learning in the way I was expected to. It's an ongoing struggle. I am not dyslexic, but have been diagnosed with a few other learning disabilities.
ReplyDeleteIn first grade, my teacher had a conference with my parents and told them that I was either mentally retarded or a genius. She didn't know whether to put me in gifted classes or special ed. Luckily, I was put in gifted classes, even though I kept a C average throughout school.
I'm surprised to hear my dad bullied you so much growing up about your dyslexia. He struggles with it, too. I was bullied by Mandie for my learning disabilities. She still tries, in the rare event we are in the same room together.